I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
