I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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