i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
