My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
as a side note pls kill me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
