I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
