Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
