Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
