the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
