i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
