Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
