i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
