The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
