So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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