Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
