Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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