I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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