i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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