allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
