i already hear my dad disowning me
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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