if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
