If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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