Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
two words: eviction party
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
