Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
