Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
