Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I understand Curling. That high.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
