So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
