I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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