I heard we made out
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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