either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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