Nicole vs. Life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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