how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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