I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
