I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
