I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
