how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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