Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
