how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
