they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
