The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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