she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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