So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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