I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
