you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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