In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
