11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
