She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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