Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
