I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
