there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
