we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
